The War On Faith - WTF

Sports. Oh, the list is endless, but here's a few things worthy of venomous disdain.

What the fuck is up with people yelling "We won" when a pro club wins a game? Who the
fuck is "we"? As if those people playing the game have any more loyalty to you than a used
car salesman has. I can understand Aggies yelling "we won" after Texas A&M whips
somebody's ass, and I can understand high school kids and parents yelling "we won" after a
game. They have some investment in the team. They know these players. They are a part of
the organization that fields this team, but when Joe the tire guy yells for a bunch of
millionaire assholes who's idea of "team" is "which salary cap would I feel comfortable
under" I look at him with the same quizzical and stunned look that I give fucks who
protest against Disney for being the anti-Christ.

What the fuck is it with players always thanking Jesus for winning the game? Just fucking
once I'd love to see a god damned worthless mother fucker who's only claim to fame is
being freakishly good at some fucking completely and totally useless activity like football,
stand up in front of the reporters in the locker room and say "We would have won, but
God made me drop the ball at the seven yard line." "Yeah, we woulda won, but Jesus
tripped me up and made me fumble." "I guess Jesus wanted the other team to win more
than he wanted us to win."

What the fuck is up with the salaries? Some fuckwad, who, if not for baseball, would be
hard pressed to hold down a fucking job at Burger King on the night shift, gets paid a
hundred times more than the people we entrust our children's futures to? We pay our
teachers less than baseball players pay their fucking maids and then people have the
fucking unmitigated gaul to throw their hands up in dismay at the horrid state of our
public education system.

These mother fuckers are not gods, they are not celebrities, and their opinions on just
about anything don't mean shit. Just because they are seven feet tall and can put a ball
through a round hoop does not mean that anybody should bother to stick a microphone in
their face and ask them questions. The mere fact that anybody listens to anything that
comes out their mouths and gives it any more weight than the opinion of the guy at the gas
station is evidence of our nation's obsession with worthless shit.

Here's some shit I'd like to see on Sports fucking Center just one fucking time...

"Law enforcement officials arrested another multi-million dollar a year sports hero athlete
today for aggravated and violent offenses. In related issues, the athlete's home town high
school drafted a "Ms. Johnson" for it's badly underdeveloped educational curriculum.
Reliable sources expect Ms. Johnson to sign a record breaking contract of at least 30
thousand a year with no bonuses. Local officials who passed funding for the new stadium
deal, while refusing approval for new textbooks, were unavailable for comment, but did
mail this journalist a nice team jersey with the team's name spelled incorrectly.

High School coaches, who were accused of posing as teachers for extra income in some
Texas school districts refused to comment. A former football star who now lives in a
Maytag box under Highway 59 in Houston after retiring only three years ago pointed out
that "foobaw playas no need no damn teechas, nohow." Sources close to crack dealers in
impoverished areas were quoted as saying "If it wudnt fo spotes playahs, Ida had no
bidness sepp dat dubbyah crackah. He bought more dope dan da whole Cowboys team
combined. An dat fucka moved to DC."

"I think that very often athletes seem to have a very simplistic and self-serving view of
what God is and does," sportscaster Bob Costas said in an interview with the San Diego
Union-Tribune. "It makes no sense that a God who, for all human understanding, can
appear indifferent to major pain and suffering on a large scale or the illness of a child,
would intercede to help get a first down."

"If the player were consistent, he would point to skyward to mark the judgment of God
after he got his shot blocked or struck out," says Robert Benne, director of the Roanoke
College Center for Religion and Society. "I haven't seen that lately." Or as Philadelphia
Daily News writer Jim Nolan succinctly put it in a column: "To fumble is human, to catch
the winning TD, divine."
..........Bob Costas

"Only the other day a gentleman was telling me of a case of special providence. He knew it.
He had been the subject of it. A few years ago he was about to go on a ship when he was
detained. He did not go, and the ship was lost with all on board. "Yes!" I said, "Do you think
the people who were drowned believed in special providence?" Think of the infinite
egotism of such a doctrine. Here is a man that fails to go upon a ship with five hundred
passengers and they go down to the bottom of the sea fathers, mothers, children, and
loving husbands and wives waiting upon the shores of expectation. Here is one poor little
wretch that did not happen to go! And he thinks that God, the Infinite Being, interfered in
his poor little withered behalf and let the rest all go. That is special providence. Why does
special providence allow all the crimes? Why are the wifebeaters protected, and why are
the wives and children left defenceless if the hand of God is over us all? Who protects the
insane? Why does Providence permit insanity? But the church cannot give up special
providence. If there is no such thing, then no prayers, no worship, no churches, no priests.
What would become of National thanksgiving?"
..........Robert Ingersoll "Orthodoxy", 1884