The War On Faith - FS

Q. Why is a Fundy in a chat room like a hemorrhoid?
A. Because you can't see him, but he's still a pain in the ass.

Q. What kind of a files does the Catholic Church use to make small holes bigger?
A. Pedophiles.

Q. How many Fundies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. None, they just form a youth group and pray for light.

Q. What's the difference between priests and acne?
A. Acne waits 'till your a teenager to start coming all over your face.

Q. What does a priest do if an alter boy starts smoking?
A. He slows down and uses a lubricant.

Q: Did you hear about the cannibal who ate a Missionary?
A: He threw up his hands.

Q: What happened when Jesus went to Mount Olive?
A: Popeye kicked his ass!

Q: What's the difference between circumcision and crucifixion?
A: In crucifixion, they throw the whole Jew away!

Q. What if Descartes had been an agnostic?
A. "I doubt, therefore I might be."

Q. If we were to tell you that there is an army of angels waiting in Heaven, and on the Day of
Judgment they will be unleashed upon the world to slay all the unbelievers, what would your
response be?
A. Pre-emptive nuclear strike.

Q. How do we know that Adam and Eve were Mennonite?
A. Who else would be alone in a garden with a naked woman and be tempted by a piece of
fruit?

Q. Why don't Baptists fuck standing up?
A. They're afraid it will lead to dancing.

Q. What is the difference between a preacher and a psycho?
A. The sound of the voice they hear.

Q. What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
A. A roamin' Catholic

Q. How can you tell if you are in a gay church?
A. Only half the congregation is kneeling!!

Q. Why did Moses wander in the desert for 40 years?
A. Even then men wouldn't ask for directions

Q. How can you tell when an Islamic has come into manhood?
A It's when his mother takes the dirty diaper off his ass and wraps it around his head.

Q. What do you get when you mix Holy Water and Prune Juice?
A A Religious Movement

Q. Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A. Under the vacuum cleaner.

Q. How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A. (Sigh) Don't bother, I'll sit in the dark, I don't want to be a
nuisance to anybody.

Q. What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish Mother?
A. Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Q. Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A. Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q. Have you seen the newest Jewish-American Princess horror movie?
A. It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."

Q. Why do Jewish Mothers make great parole officers?
A. They never let anyone finish a sentence.

Q. What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A. Facing Bloomingdale's

Q. Have you ever heard of an in instant Easter Kit?
A. It's three nails, two boards, and one Jew.

Q. What's red, white, and black and can't get through a revolving door?
A. A nun with a spear through her head.

Q. What was before the Big Bang?
A. The Big Foreplay.

Q. What's this? "Clack clack clack clack BANG clack clack clack clack."
A. An Amish drive-by shooting.

Q. How do you get holy water?
A. Boil the hell out of it.

Q. "What's this ???" (Holding palm of hand up to mouth and making biting gestures)
A. Jesus biting his nails.

Q. What do priests and department stores have in common?
A. They both frequently have little boys' pants half off.

Q. When gay parades are held on Sundays, which priests are left to give mass?
A. The pedophiles.

Q. How do you get a nun pregnant?
A1. Dress her up as an alter boy.
A2. Fuck her.

Q. Why did Jesus cross the road?
A. He was nailed to the chicken.

Q. Jesus loves you , do you know how I know?
A. He kept screaming your name when I was fucking him.

Q. Why didn't Jesus replace the stone on his tomb when he rose from the dead?
A. Well, he was born in a barn...

Q. Why doesn't Jesus like M&M's?
A. They fall through the holes in his hands

Q. Why won't Jesus come back?
A. Because they put up crosses everywhere.

Q. Why can't Jesus walk on water anymore?
A. Because of those holes in his feet.

Q. How do you embarrass an archeologist?
A. Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?
A. The Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry.

Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.

Q. Why are priests like an Xmas tree?
A. Their balls are strictly ornamental.

Q. Why does the Easter bunny hide all the eggs?
A. So no one will know he's fucking the chickens.

Q. How is a Mormon chick like a hockey goalie?
A. They both change their pads every three periods.

Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's ass?
A. A mechanic.

Q. Define "Jewish dilemma."
A. Free Pork.

Q. How can you tell if a priest is gay?
A. If he asks you to kneel and sticks something in your mouth.

Q. What do you get if you cross a Jehovah's Witness with an atheist?
A. A person who knocks at your door for no reason.

Q. Why wasn't Jesus from Kansas?
A. God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin in Kansas.

Q. What do you get if you cross a Hell's Angel with a Jehovah's Witness?
A. Some one who knocks on your door on a Sunday morning and tells you to fuck off.

Q. What did the Southern Baptist girl from East Texas say after losing her virginity?
A. Git up daddy, yur crushin mah smokes

Q. What has 75 balls and only screws old Catholic women?
A. BINGO

Q. Why didn't Jesus go to law school?
A. He got nailed on the boards.

Q. What does the Kansas Board Of Education refer to "Hee Haw" reruns as?
A. Documentaries.

Q. What did one Roman guard say to the other?
A. Looks like Jesus is getting the hang of it.

Q. What's the main difference between the WWF and Christianity?
A. More people know wrestling is fake.

Q. What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?
A. Only takes one nail to hang a picture of Jesus.

Q. Why should you bury Xians 12 feet deep?
A. Because deep down they are good people.

Q. What kind of meat does the pope eat?
A. Nun

Q. What was the First Commandment?
A. "Adam, mow the lawn."

Q. What do McDonald's and a Catholic Priest have in common?
A. They both stick their meat in 13 year old buns.

Q. Have you heard about the new book published by a Catholic Priest?
A. It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing"

Q. What did the man on the beach say to the Priest?
A. Get out of my sun!

Q. Did you hear about the Tennessee Preacher who passed away and left his entire estate in
trust for his beloved widow?
A. She can't touch it till she's fourteen.

Q. What is every Amish woman's private fantasy?
A. Two Mennonite!