The War On Faith - Bible Quotes

God On Slavery - "Slaves, be obedient to those who are your earthly masters, with fear
and trembling, in singleness of heart, as to Christ...."

God On Testicles - "He whose testicles are crushed or whose male member is cut off shall
not enter the assembly of the Lord."

God On Love - "Happy shall he be who takes your little ones and dashes them against the
rock!"

God On Women - "But if the thing is true, that the tokens of virginity were not found in
the young woman, then you shall bring out the young woman to the door of her father's
house, and the men of her city shall stone her to death with stones..."

Jesus On Love - "'But as for these enemies of mine, who did not want me to reign over
them, bring them here and slay them before me.'"

The Perfect And Loving God

"The Lord was grieved that he had made man on the Earth, and his heart was filled with
pain. So I will wipe mankind, whom I have created, from the face of the Earth- men and
animals, and creatures that move along the ground, and birds of the air- for I am grieved
that I have made them."
..........Genesis 6:6-7
It seems that even perfect gods can make mistakes and have regrets.

God on Restaurants
Seafood
And all that have not fins and scales in the seas, and in the rivers, of all that move in the
waters, and of any living thing which is in the waters, they shall be an abomination unto
you. (Thou shalt not eat Crab legs at Red Lobster's Wednesday night all-you-can-eat
buffet.)
..........Leviticus 11:10

Barbeque
And he shall kill the bullock before the LORD: and the priests, Aaron's sons, shall bring the
blood, and sprinkle the blood round about upon the altar (BBQ Pit or Smoker) that is by the
door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And he shall flay the burnt offering, and cut it
into his pieces. (Or chop it finely and mix in onions, pickles, and sauce for Chopped Bullock
Sandwiches) And the sons of Aaron the priest shall put fire upon the altar, and lay the wood
in order upon the fire: (Hickory and Mesquite work best. Remember to soak some of the
wood ahead of time so it will smoke better and flavor the bullock.) And the priests, Aaron's
sons, shall lay the parts, the head, and the fat, in order upon the wood that is on the fire
which is upon the altar: But his inwards and his legs shall he wash in water: and the priest
shall burn all on the altar, to be a burnt sacrifice, an offering made by fire, of a sweet savor
unto the LORD. (God loves barbeque.)

And if his offering be of the flocks, namely, of the sheep, or of the goats, for a burnt
sacrifice; he shall bring it a male without blemish. (God only eats USDA Prime.)
..........Leviticus 1:5-10

"Any animal which has its testicles bruised or crushed or torn or cut, you shall not offer to
the Lord or sacrifice within your land..."
..........Leviticus 22:24

God on Football
And the swine, though he divide the hoof, and be cloven-footed, yet he cheweth not the cud;
he is unclean to you. Of their flesh shall ye not eat, and their carcass shall ye not touch;
they are unclean to you.
..........Leviticus 11:7-8
Having received a copy of these verses, Pat Robertson is organizing Christian protests at all
NFL games until the pagan commissioner starts buying footballs made from cowhide. Troy
Aikman was quoted as saying "My daddy's a preacher, so I've been wearing gloves when
playing football since I was a youngin."

"While the people of Israel were in the wilderness, they found a man gathering sticks on
the Sabbath day...And the Lord said to Moses, 'The man shall be put to death; all the
congregation shall stone him with stones outside the camp.' And all the congregation
brought him outside the camp, and stoned him to death with stones, as the Lord
commanded Moses."
..........Numbers 15:32
The day of the game for thy Lord be Monday Night as all Sunday games be laden with
iniquity and offensive to thy benevolent God.